| It really is that simple! |
By David Perdew |
|
What I'm going to say may seem
so simple, but remember all of
the tips, tricks, advice and tasks boil down to these
three "L's":
Listen
Learn
Love
Oooh, that feels like some touchy-feely, weekend-
encounter session platitude. It's not. It's hard corps,
in-your-face fact. If you want to get through to your
kids to build a lasting relationship, this is the holy
grail: Listen, Learn and Love.
It's that simple.
And not. Practicing those three mean you're doing it
without judgment. Ah, there's the catch! No judgment?
Of course, judgment is good, we think. It keeps us from
doing "wrong" and even protects us from unreasonable
and potentially unsafe risks, doesn't it?
Ah, that's discernment. This is not some game of
semantics. Someone educated me about the difference
between judgment and discernment because I was
confused, too.
Judgment is about assigning right and wrong. "What
you're doing is wrong!" Or "You are just absolutely
wrong!" are two examples. How do you feel when you read
those statements? Does the word defensive come to mind?
Discernment on the other hand is about boundaries. "I
can't be around that activity because I just am not
comfortable with it." Or "That may be okay for you, but
it's just not how I was raised." Both of those
statements are about the speaker - not the spoken to.
Those statements are about boundaries that the speaker
can't cross, not about how "wrong" the other person is.
See the difference?
It's a small thing but absolutely critical to the first
"L". You can't listen effectively if you're judging.
And man, is that hard. I don't know about you, but I
was raised to be judgmental. Most of my friends are
too. Gossip is a really good indicator of how
judgmental we are.
The second "L" is just as tough.
Learn: That means we don't know. Uh-Oh. This pushes one
of my buttons, too. I'm a parent. I'm supposed to know
what's good for my kids. I'm supposed to have the
answers. How can I be open to learning new things -
especially from my kids - if I've got all the answers?
Of course, I DO HAVE the answer to that one. Bull
Hockey!
The smartest person in the world doesn't have all the
answers. Albert Einstein, a spiritual hero of mine,
said, "The only thing that interferes with my learning
is my education." And he's about as close to Smartest
Man In The World as we'll ever see.
Being a parent calls for humility. Humility means you
don't have the answers and are willing to learn. Add a
little humility to your parenting and your kids will
respect you more.
And the last "L" - Love. This probably needs the most
work.
Too often, the ones we love get the short end of the
stick. I was much nicer to my colleagues, friends and
distant family than I was to "the loved ones" I lived
with.
Love is not a given. It doesn't work to say "They know
I love them." That's a cop-out. Love is an action verb.
It means doing for someone else. If you love them,
you're actively showing them, not taking them for
granted.
Practice the three "L's" and you're practicing the
basic Good Parenting skills.
Sincerely,
David Perdew
*****************************************************
PS: If you have experiences or ideas you'd like to
contribute, forward them to me at support@bad-dad.com
and I'll include them in future publications. Or voice
your comments at http://www.WorldWantingPeace.com |
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