| Caring
For Dependent Relatives – Survival Guide |
By:
Aislinn O'Connor |
|
Caring
for dependent relatives, often elderly parents or
handicapped children, can be one of the most isolating
experiences most people ever have to face. Becoming a
carer can sometimes be rewarding, but it's hardly ever
easy. Here are some tips to help you to survive it.
1. Get all the help and benefits you can.
Many people are too proud to ask for help, and many
more don't even know what help's available. In the UK,
for example, it's believed that £750 million of
benefits available to carers are unclaimed.
No matter how much you love the person that you're
caring for, in terms of both lost income and financial
outlay, caring costs you, big-time. Many people aren't
aware of how much till they're in financial
difficulty. If you don't know what's available to you,
ask your doctor where you can find out.
It's not just about money, either. Sometimes practical
help, like wheelchairs, disabled access ramps,
hand-rails and alarm buttons, can be made available at
no cost, or at least reduced rates.
2. Get all the emotional and practical support you
can, too.
Caring can be a very lonely life, and friends can
start to disappear when you're not so readily
available for evenings out, etc. Even those who stay
the course can find it hard to listen to the things
you feel the need to talk about, and you're likely to
find their conversation very trivial compared to what
you're dealing with.
It's a good idea to have the company at least
occasionally of people who understand because they're
doing what you're doing. If there's a local support
group, it's a good idea to check it out – if not,
it's worth looking for a carers' discussion group
online.
3. Make sure you get some time off.
This is absolutely vital, and not likely to be offered
unless you make a point of saying that you need it.
It's no reflection on your abilities as a carer, or
your love for the person that you're caring for, but
you need to take at least some care of yourself if
you're going to take effective care of anybody else.
Try to arrange for someone to take your place for a
few hours at the weekend, for example, or else to get
the person that you're caring for into a day center
for a couple of afternoons a week. You might be able
to arrange for respite care, as well, which means the
person that you're caring for is taken into hospital
for one or two weeks every year to let you have a
holiday.
This is not being selfish, merely realistic. Caring
for someone can very tiring, both physically and
emotionally, so you need to be able to recharge your
batteries as often as you can.
4. Keep up some interests of your own, and make sure
you have at least some social life, even if it's
mainly chatting to your friends by phone or e-mail.
Caring can very easily come to dominate your life, and
if you have no other interests to give you a balanced
perspective your morale can very quickly go to pieces.
Many carers understandably fall victim to depression,
and you won't do yourself or the person that you care
for any favors by becoming one of them.
It can be hard to organize, but try to spend at least
a little time each day doing something for yourself,
even if it's just spending an hour reading while the
person that you're caring for is sleeping. You have a
life, as well, and the right to some enjoyment.
5. It's important that you keep your self-esteem high.
Caring is demanding, and it's all too easy to let your
mind fill with the difficulties of your situation
rather than all the good things you're achieving in
it.
Focus each day on something that's gone well for you.
It doesn't matter if it's quite a small thing – all
carers know that even a small victory in such a
demanding situation is a great achievement.
Relax deeply every day to banish stress, and train
yourself to flood your mind with pleasant images
before you go to sleep. It takes some practice, but
it's the best way of waking up refreshed and ready for
the new day.
Above all, don't be too hard on yourself if you feel
you're not the perfect carer. No-one is. All you can
do is the best that you can do. No-one can ask for
more. |
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