| A Simple
Question With A Complicated Answer - Where's
My Daddy? |
By David Perdew |
|
Moms, a some point you will probably hear
"Where's my
daddy?" Whether the dad has ever been part of the
parental picture or not, his absence is conspicuous.
Dads, if you're trying to reconnect with your
children,
read on to understand what Mom has gone through.
Sometimes, Dad is in the house and still absent. That
was true in my case. I was more interested in work
than
family. And my kids took notice. As I wrote in Bad
Dad:
10 Keys to Regaining Trust (at
http://www.bad-dad.com/12days.htm)
my 16-year
old son told me, "Work is evil for you."
I thought about that for years. Work is evil? Of
course, work is not evil. Ignoring my kids in favor of
work - that was evil!
In my case, the answer to "Where's my
daddy?" was,
"He's working."
Whether he's ever been in this house or is just
inaccessible, the question will come.
Here's some tips for handling that moment.
* Be prepared. If Dad is physically absent, the
question will come early, around four or five. The
child becomes aware that their family seems different
from other families. They see dads picking up kids at
events and watch the father/child interactions at
church, day care and pre-school.
* Talk about differences openly. Point to
unconventional families. Most have two parents, but
others have a mother only, sometimes grandparents
raising the kids. Try to make the child feel that his
family is just as normal as those.
* Never, ever let the child believe that he is the
reason that Daddy is not there or involved.
* Don't criticize Dad. The older the child, the more
you can disclose. But make sure you tell the truth.
Don't make Dad out to be a fire-breathing dragon. If
he
reconnects, your credibility is on the line. And the
kids will hold you responsible for any untruths.
* Share any information or pictures you have about the
missing Dad. Be as open as possible.
* If you're struggling with single parenthood, get
help. Your child will emulate your struggle. But the
good news is that the child will emulate your comfort
too. Your confidence as a parent will build confidence
in the child.
Sincerely,
David Perdew
*****************************************************
PS: If you have experiences or ideas you'd like to
contribute, forward them to me at support@bad-dad.com
and I'll include them in future publications. Or voice
your comments at http://www.WorldWantingPeace.com |
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